The term ‘breakdown’ is used so frequently and casually these days.
“Emotional breakdown”, “mental breakdown”. I’ve seen it used most often when we can’t figure out why we’re upset.
Physical, mental or emotional exhaustion is usually how it appears.
If you are experiencing a ‘breakdown’ then you are levelling up.
Don’t let your inner critic tell you otherwise.
What is our inner critic?
You know the one, the voice that when you drop a glass on the floor calls you a useless piece of sh*t. When you nit pick at the decisions and choices you made like what you ate for dinner or whether you actually made it to the gym this week.
Or, holding yourself to standards that you may have not even considered whether they are realistic for you.
My battle with self criticism
My inner critic unknowingly caused a lot of resistance and pain in my life.
Before starting therapy I had little awareness of how the standards I kept myself to were causing me so much pain because it was so familiar to me.
Frustrated with myself, I knew I wanted to be more confident and to live a more joyous life but I wasn’t sure where to start.
I had developed an awareness of my self criticism, first by observing how effortlessly others appeared to live a life free of limitation, or at least, free of those that I was imposing on myself.
This included people on social media doing things from wearing a bikini on the beach to starting a whole new career.
At the time, the only way I knew how to process this, was to torment myself that I was not magically waking up and doing something different.
Inner critic programmes
Along with my new found awareness, my inner critic was quick to reaffirm why I hadn’t yet got my hands on the things and experiences I desired. Such as:
“I couldn’t wear a bikini on the beach because I was x.”
“I couldn’t leave the security of my current job because of x.”
Negative statements which affirmed to me reasons why I was an exception to joy and fun, and of the experiences that I wanted.
From a breakdown to a breakthrough
There is only so long you can keep going with a negative inner critic that criticises everything you do.
It was debilitating and it shattered any sense of self worth that I had at the time.
At my lowest point I realised that:
I wanted better for myself;
I deserved better; and
I was worthy of better.
This is where the magic happened.
My ‘breakdown’ was the best thing that could have happened to me.
It was a breakthrough.
Getting help and support
After what some would call a quarter life crisis, existential crisis, spiritual awakening, emotional breakdown or mental breakdown of inconsolable upset and confusion. It was at the bottom of the pit I saw that the only way was up.
It was easier to begin working on my inner critic than spending one more second living with the pain of the limitations it offered me.
Finding a psychotherapist who was trauma informed, and took a holistic approach, meaning that the mind, body and spirit are considered together. I learnt how to sit in my own body and feel my emotions. I learnt how to rewire my inner critic to an inner coach that was supportive and encouraging.
In addition to my time in therapy, I watched copious amounts of TedTalks, YouTube videos and I read as many self help books as I could find.
I remained curious in learning more about how the human brain works, the impact of trauma on the body, and more importantly, how I work.
With persistence and consistency, I have radically improved my self worth and my life.
This all began when I purposely started carving out more time for myself, you can do this too, right now.
Resources available to propel you into a breakthrough
We’ve all heard the phrase “the answers are within you”, “everything you need can be found within you”.
I remember hearing this in the beginning and rolling my eyes as far back as I could muster.
Let me put it a little differently…
The second you begin to approach yourself with the same love, compassion, kindness, grace and understanding you so easily give to others, you propel yourself forward at a faster rate than any self-help book could ever.
Despite how familiar your inner critic may be, it is possible and never too late to start working with it to be kinder.
If you are new to this, a small step in this direction could be to ask yourself, how can I be kinder to myself right now?
The resources that benefited me the most were free online, this includes mindfulness meditations and listening to positive affirmations whilst sleeping, both of which can be found on YouTube.
Self inquiry to catapult you forward
You aren’t broken, you don’t need fixing and there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You may just need some extra support in finding balance.
“Stop fighting yourself and accept where you are in life. Let this time in your life motivate you to let go of all the things that are holding you back.”
Robert Tew
The next time you have a ‘breakdown’, identify what your mind and body are telling you isn’t working so that you can level up.
How is this current situation serving me?
What can I learn from this?
What support is available to me?
Are any of my commitments negotiable, can I re-arrange or postpone?
What absolutely needs to get done?
If this feels too much, it may be that the best medicine is to slow down. This can sometimes be the hardest thing to do.
To rest and to allow yourself to surrender to the growth that is taking place.
You are evolving!
This could be 10 minutes extra in bed in the morning or whatever feels good to you.
Allow yourself the pleasure of resting without judgement. To just be and see what happens.
A breakdown is a breakthrough in disguise
Sometimes it takes being pushed to the extreme of what you can deal with, to realise that things can and will be better.
In my case, I began frustrated with an inner dialogue and limiting beliefs that held me back from being and doing what I wanted in life.
This was signaling to me that if I began to change these limiting beliefs, I could live a life free from limitation. That is exactly what happened.
I believe that ‘breakdowns’ indicate that our tolerance for things which no longer serve us, has lessened so much that we are ready to level up and try something new.
When we are no longer operating effectively using old thoughts and behaviour patterns.
That a different way is required.
Diving deeper
I will be sharing more of my personal development journey for those who may wish to learn from my experience.
Next week, MUIJA will be releasing my very own mindfulness exercise.
It will allow you to sit with yourself in a supportive and structured way to dig deeper into self criticism. It can be used as a journal prompt, guided meditation or to guide a vulnerable conversation with a trusted friend.
Thursday 23rd December 2021
Save the date!
Disclaimer: I am not a health care or mental health professional. I share my own experience. The resources I mention are those I have used and found to be a benefit on my own journey. I wish to extend this knowledge to others for free.
In her memoirs, Chloe reflects upon her own experience of re-connecting with her body, expanding emotional intelligence for self-empowerment and stress management tools for the modern world.
